The boys are home. I was really happy to see them. However, we are not on the same page. I'm not sure we are even reading the same book.
Ricky came back with a bad additude. Jarrett wants to be left alone. Chase just wants to play games with them and they keep kicking him out of their room. They have not picked up anything that they use. They are leaving plates and cups and wrappers everywhere. The clothes are not making it to the baskets and the shoes are not making it to the bin. They get mad when I ask them for a little more detail about the trip and Ricky keeps correcting Jarrett and won't let him tell me anything. I think my heart is breaking because of it all. I can't seem to get a grasp on it.

I want a re-do. I mean I deserve one I think. I wanted them to come home ready to be a family again. But it's not happening that way.

In other news, my sister-in-law Becca came down with the two boys B.J. and Hunter. They live in Kentucky now and my brother Brad is in Afghanastan (He's in the Army). We all got together yesterday at my brother Kevin's house for a Bar-B-Q. They kids (all 10 of them) had a great time playing and socializing. Then this morning I had Becca and the kids and my Dad meet me at Chase's favorite Park. Chase wanted to play with Grandpa more that the other kids this time. Was kinda cute. Then I had to work so Becca took my three with her and I will meet up with them after work for dinner. She is here till tomorrow afternoon. I need to do some research for something to do tomorrow...

I got postcards!

I also talked to both the boys on Sunday night about 10 pm. I was so happy to hear from them. They are having a good time and were looking forward to going to D.C. on Monday.
Jarrett wrote on his postcard, "Hey, remember me? I used to live there. Well, I remember you!" Then he went on to tell me about Old Rag Mountain that they climbed. Ricky talked about Old Rag too and he admitted that he was "kinda homesick, but who isn't!" I really enjoyed hearing from them.

Of course, with them being gone I have spent a lot of time thinking about some changes that could be made in our family. Things could be done better to make things easier on me and less stressful for the boys. I hate that I want them to be the best ever. I know they will never live up to all my expectations. I need to try to accept them for who they are and what they can do. But I don't know how to do that yet. My emotions get in the way sometimes. Like with scouts. I am not happy unless they are both at the meetings every week. I do ask them if they want to go to events or not. They always say yes but then they give me a hard time when it's time to go because its the weekend and they want to hang out with their buddies or go to the movies. Again and again I have to explain to them that they made an commitment to something and they need to follow through. Like with this football camp, I could not get him to go the last two days before he left for summer camp. He made it seem like I was the worst person for trying to make him go. He tried to tell me that his body was not ready for intense training yet. He needs to work up to it. He needs to start out slower and then maybe he could do the two hour death camp training. Yet, I was still trying to guilt him into going. Telling him that he wanted this, not me. Saying that sure you are going to hurt for the first week but after that your muscles will get used to it and it will get easier. Pushing him to argue with me about not going. Just making him feel like crap for not going, and not really supporting him like a parent should. I just want him to make an effort and try something new. Maybe I am doing this all wrong, but I am trying. I have not given up yet.

Ok, I went to court yesterday to explain to the judge why my son was not in school for 31 days this past school year. We were all (there were about 100 people there) told to be at the courthouse at 3pm. They do drug tests on the kids and that took about an hour. Finally at 4pm they moved us into the courtroom and there we sat for another 1/2 hour before the judge came out.
They start with the people who have lawyers. There were maybe five or six of those. Then it goes alphabetically so I was able to see a couple of the cases before I went up there. I was shocked to find out that a couple of the kids had a test come back "dirty". One kid tried to tell the judge that he hadn't smoked since april. But the Detective explained that if he last smoked in May that he would have been clean. The kid would not fess up and he has to come back again.
When it was my turn, the judge realised that my son was not with me and he asked where he was. I told him he was in Virginia at a Boy Scout summer camp. He asked if it was a local troop. I said yes and he asked who the Scoutmaster was. I told him his name and he looked at me and said "you realise that he is a magistrate of this court." And I said "yes, I know that very well". Turns out that this judge knows the scoutmaster. Very well. And he informed me that he will check into it. Anyway, they agreed that they need to do some background search on my son and to come back in two weeks.
For some reason I don't think I am off the hook yet...

OMGosh, The boys have left and I am at a loss for what to do.

Chase and I went to the local zoo on Saturday.

Note to self: ask the zoo people to take out the play grounds.

I let Chase play for what I thought would only be a few minutes. But in reality turned into an hour and a half. There are three areas in the zoo where a child like Chase can forget that there is nature and wild animals just beyond his reach. And Chase had to try them all out.

I was so board watching him play on the playground equipment that I started naming the other kids who came to play. I seen a Jordan, an Emily, a Johnathan, a Shiloh, and a little red haired kid I named Tommy.

Tommy was as pale as egg whites and had large brown freckles all over the place. The cutest darn kid I've seen in quite some time. Chase was drawn to him. He followed Tommy around every turn and up every stair and down every slide. Then Tommy left with his Mommy and Daddy and so did Chase. I was with them too but I don't think Chase knew it. He was too busy playing with Tommy.

Anyway we finally lost the Tommy family and made our way to the line for the Monkey boat ride. That was so fun watching Chase find the monkeys on the little islands. He loved it. And I loved that he loved it.

Still looking.

For a job.

Have had no luck.

Not yet.

Still looking.

The boys are an inch away from leaving the nest for Virginia. They had a pack-your-bag class at the troop meeting and I think they are both prepared enough for the trip. They know what they need to bring and they know what they need to do. They know.
I know they will be safe and I know that if they let themselves, they can have a great time.
I wish this was something we could all do together. Like last year. But it is not happening this time. This time I will stay with Chase and we will do lots of great things together. I already have plans to take him to the zoo. And of course there's always the beach and the park. We can do those things without "the boys".
Sure wish we could have all gone together though. But you know what they say...wish in one hand and crap in the other, which one weighs more? (or something like that).

Ricky started football practice yesterday. It's actually strength and speed training. He went again this morning but when I picked him up he was even less excited then yesterday. I really don't know if I will be able to talk him into going tomorrow. He was really upset that he is not a great runner. I tried to tell him that I was the worst runner on my cross country team but he either didn't believe me or didn't care to listen. It will be hard to get him to go tomorrow I know. But I won't let him not go. I will support him I will.