I finally got the pics from mom's camera from when Baby got his car in October! Thought you might like to see them. Thats Scout and Baby at the top, Just Baby and his scout bear, Then Baby driving down the road, and finally Ferret helping Baby steer with Scout behind them.

I survived Christmas. Friday was bad, I was clearly not myself.

Saturday was clean house day and one last trip to Target.

Sunday I spent picking up kids, dropping kids off and finally resting day.

Monday, Christmas eve, I took the boys to the park downtown. We had a blast. Baby played and ran and hid till his heart content. He was so funny. He was wearing his shirt that says "Ladies man" on it. He goes up to some other mom and shows her his shirt. Then he says "Ladies man" like hes some kind of super hero. I about died. He is so cute. Then around 5 we went to my brother Kevins house. Had dinner and the kids played with their cousins. Then we opened girts which was mostly gift cards. I remember about ten years ago each of the kids would have two bags of toys and clothes to take home but now it has changed. Two of my brothers don't live here any more. And the kids are growing up. Times are changing too.

On the way home the three boys fell asleep. Just like always. But when we got home Scout and Ferret were wide awake. It was about midnight and I was tired, Scout kept asking he if he could help me put some gifts out. I really did not want him to, it was like official that he "knows", and I didn't want that to happen yet. But, he convinced me that he would not be damaged in any way. So I let him. He was surprised that I hid the gifts right under their noses without them knowing. Not that there were many but just the same.

Finally, after not sleeping very well and Ferret waking me up at 3am to open presents! The boys waited until 7:30 to wake me up. We tried to wake up Baby but he is a night-owl. He rolled over and pulled his blanket up under his chin. We tried to tell him that Santa came but he was hearing nothing of it. We told him that there are presents and still nothing. So the boys and I walked out and sat by the tree. Just waiting for him to come out. Not long after he comes out with his pillow in one hand and his blanket in the other. Still very sleepy he turns the corner to get a look at the tree. He stops. and all at once he drops his pillow and blanket and his jaw. He stood there wide mouth for a good 5 seconds then he woke up we told him "Merry Christmas" and he dove into the gifts. Scout helped him find one of his and he got the hang of opening gifts in no time.

Had to deal with the ex for two hours too. Went out to his Dad's house for a bit. Then he found out we moved. all hell broke loose. but we managed to make it home with noone getting hurt.

Finally went to mom and dads for dinner. I thought it would be weird. I still hate what they have done to me but I love them. Dinner was good then we made it home and I played with the kids. Did a csi game with scout and monopoly with Ferret. Baby had enough and was asleep in no time.

I'm back to work today and have to take scout to court this afternoon. Should be fun... Hope you all had a great weekend.

Warning...please be aware...I am in a rant mode...depress the "next blog" button immediatly!!!!

I warned you!!!

I can't remember ever being this depressed. I have been crying all day long. I could not even tell the babysitter that Baby won't be coming anymore. My boss yelled at me for not pricing something right and I started to cry. He didn't even notice me. I have no clue what to do about christmas. I don't even want to go out to my brothers house on christmas eve. I hate what my mother has done to me. I feel soooo betrayed. Yet she acts like nothing is wrong. She calls me up this morning and asked what was wrong yesterday. She said that I looked mad or upset. Well duh, you stupid jerk. You forced me out a week and a half before christmas and I have no money to cover all the moving expenses. On top of that I don't have any furniture at the new place and I'm tired of standing and sitting on the floor. Dumb ass. I really don't think I can be in the same room with her at my brothers. Then she suggests that I check out these apartment on the other side of town that are apparently cheaper. You are a real card, Mom. I really don't know how I can get over this. I am so upset. And you know really, its not that I had to move out, it's that I don't have the money for any christmas presents for the boys now. You should see their list...They tried to make it easy on me. They each asked for ten things. Here are some of them...Help with homework...a new blanket and pillow...go eat ice cream with my family...new beds...for love and for my mom to be happy...They both want cable and internet, and clothes and shoes. None of which they will get any time soon. Ok I think this made me feel better. Wait, can I call her a stupid effing bitch one more time...no...ok then.

And I thought my family was whack!

What is going on wit Brittney's lil' sis? It's a good thing that she came out with the story instead of the paps finding out first.

Could you imagine being sixteen years old and taking care of a baby? When I was sixteen I was a junior in high school, just trying to figure out where we were hanging out on friday night.

I most certainly could have gotten pregnant. The thought of getting on birth control never -ever- crossed my mind cause my mother would have strangled me if I went to (that horrid evil place that kills babies) like all my friends did.

I may have told you this before but, my mother once spent three hours in the guidence councilers office because they wanted to put me in a sex ed class (like all the other 8th graders). The GC told my mom that I would be knocked up before I graduate high school if I didn't take the class. I proved him wrong...I was out of school a -full- six months before I conceived Scout.

I have no doubt that Lil' Miss Spears can take very good care of a baby. But I wonder what will happen to her acting career? Will they write it into the script that Zoe gets pregnant or drop her like its hot?

God bless her...

I moved in...

We picked up some air mattresses and have no where to sit except on camp chairs but we are there. We have watched all the dvd's in our collection, several times.

The boys walked to moms house on monday and my Grandma gave them a hard time about being there. So now they won't walk there anymore. They are going to the gas station instead. God, I hate when she does that. She never, never says anything nice to Scout. And only on occassion to Feret. Why does she have to be sooo mean? She said to the boys "What are you doing here? You don't live here anymore." Why?

Also on Monday night, we did the christmas caroling at the retirement home. Short and sweet. When we were walking out I heard a man say "All this for ten minutes." Well, excuse me, did you want a two hour concert...They are only Cub scouts, not the New York City Ballet.

Sheeesh!

I found Baby's belly button! He was hidding it from me this morning when I was getting him dressed. (Actually the dinosaur on his shirt was.) I checked under his feet, and in his hands. Then I thought he hid it in his ears, but no, it was not there either. Finally I found it on his tummy! We both laughed and he hid it again and again.

Last night we were watching Shrek 2 (for the thousanth time) and it came to the part where Shrek and Donkey meet Puss in Boots. Baby re-enacted the whole scene playing the part of Puss. And of course I was Shrek (who gets clawed and climbed on). He did that about four times, always at the end proclaiming that he was Puss (just like in the movie, where he writes on the tree with the sword). My favorite part is when Baby acts like he is hurling up a hairball! Very realistic, if I may say so myself!

Still have not moved into the new crib, but will get to do it tomorrow. My wonderful boss just gave everyone the day off (without pay) so I will have plenty of time to move things over to the new place. The boys will be upset cause there is no internet or cable yet, but hey. I guess I will pick up some air mattresses for the time being.

I can't wait to see what Baby hides from me today! Hopefully it will be the Shrek movie! Muhahahahahaha! <>"Somebody told me the world"...

I found a place.

It's a small duplex at the end of a little street in the middle of town. The owners are nice folks who already tried to convert me to being Baptist. And preached to me about politics.

There is no way that all my stuff is going to fit in this little house but I am moving into it. Well, not yet of course cause I don't have access to any beds. Scout and I have gone over and cleaned the small kitchen and bathroom and we set up Baby's crib. (which is one of those convertable ones that goes from crib to day bed to headboard) It's now a day bed. At mom's we used the crib as a toy box so I'm hoping Baby will get used to sleeping on it.

I took Feret on Sunday to do his 10 mile bike hike with two other boys from scouts. We measured from a park to the main road was 2.5 miles so they had to go from the park to the road and back twice to make the ten miles. The first trip took just over 30 minutes. They stopped to take a drink and rest their butts. Then they started for the second trip. Two hours later they showed up back at the park. Turned out one of the boys did not want to go as fast cause when he got home he would have to do homework. So they walked some of the way. Oh well. Baby and I kept ourselves busy while they were gone with some bubbles and a couple of toys we found in the car. I also took him over to the playground briefly but it was behind the community center building and I could not see when the boys made it back so we didn't play long there.

My friend Angie called me this morning to ask me if I knew a Linda such and such. I told her I didn't think so and then she asked how things were going. I told her a little bit about me moving and she asked the dreaded question. "How are you for christmas?" I told her that we are putting up the tree but we wern't going to do the Santa thing. I told her that I'm more worried about getting beds to sleep on than buying toys for the baby. The two older boys know whats going on and they are pretty much ok with it. For now, but I'm sure I will go down in history as being the worst mother in the world for having a sucky ass christmas two years in a row.

But this is how things in my life go. I try to mind my own business and every turn I take it is only getting worse. Don't get me wrong there are some times that I feel like the luckiest girl in the world but those times are very few and far between. I keep wondering how a person (who has a full time job, does not drink, does not smoke, does not do any drugs, vollenteers in the community on a regular basis, etc etc..) could have such a messed up life. There are always road blocks in front of me. Why? I don't get it.

What the heck is going on? Seriously? I am starting to really freak out here. I must be on some kind of sadistic t.v. show where everything is going to shit really fast.

Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit...
I get home from work yesterday and start to cook dinner, preheating the oven, defrosting chicken legs, getting the fries out of the freezer and putting them on the pan, yadda, yadda, yadda.
My Dad comes out and says that mom wants to talk to me. So I go in and she has this serious look on her face and all. She starts saying something about
"Scout can stay in N.C. and Ferret can go to KY and the Baby can go to daycare with Joey...."
All the while I am thinking what is she talking about. She must has taken too many pain pills or something. She keeps talking...
"You can send them $50 a week and they can start school right after winter break..."
I said to her.. "What happened did you get a letter or something."
She says "No, but I can't afford to loose the house now in this market. I would loose so much money."
She then asked me if I called my brothers yet.
What, No, I just found out I'm being asked to leave.
Then she says "I'm not asking you to leave to be mean, you can stay but the kids have to go."

I walk away. I had to. I finish cooking dinner and while at the dinner table I ask the kids what they think of going to the uncles houses. They kind of think it sucked.

After a while she calls me into her room again. I take a deep breath and go in.
She says "Sit down here we need to talk."
"No, I'll stand, thanks" I say.
Then she rattles on about how she called both Brad and Chris, but Brad is in AZ for a training but Becca will talk to him about it. And Chris thinks its a dumb idea but he will talk to his other half.
I'm just standing there wondering what is happening. I'm 33 years old with three kids and I have absolutley no control over what is happening.
I ask her to give me a date when she wants us out. She says she doesn't know. But something has to be done. If the new neighbors find out that kids live here then she will have to sell the house and its not the best time to do that. Then she says something about getting money out of the 401k and me paying her back...
I could not listen anymore.
I wanted to cry myself to sleep. But I couldn't. Baby wanted to watch Shrek and he needed a drink and wanted to sit on my lap and Scout needed help with his homework and Feret wanted to go to the store to get a coke with the money he just made for taking out Grandma's mail. I couldn't even cry myself to sleep...

Ok, breathe Heather. You can get through this.

Count to ten...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.

I feel better.

Really! I do.

My wonderful stupid GM at work just asked me the most dreaded question he could ask.

"Are you ready for Christmas?"

Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke? Am I on Punked?

I have not yet even put up the Christmas tree yet. Not one decoration has been strategically placed so all can view. (I have lied, Baby did find two train ornaments that he pulled out and ran around the house yelling "choo, choo!")

And then I'm thinking that I have only three actual paychecks of which I don't have any extra spending money in the three said paychecks.

What a bad man, a very bad man he is for bringing up that question.

Oh and he always makes it a point to mention taking off work too. Like because we only get off on Tuesday he says that we should just take the whole week off. Shaa as if. I mean he gets paid salery so it would not affect him but the rest of us would be like eating at the Salvation Army and getting canned goods and old bread from St vincent De Paul's.

He aggrivates me so.

Oh and guess who just stopped by as I was typing this. Danny. Although now he won't come in, he sends in his son little Danny. We had a nice talk and he seems to be doing well. I told him that I am still upset at his dad. He still wants to know where the bicycle is that he left at my house. I told him I would try to find out. Oh the nerve!

I. Love. This.

I have been tagged by this person to share with you all what classes I would take to make my life better or easier or whatever.

Of course these would have to be online classes cause I have no real time to actually go somewhere and sit for an hour or two a week. Or maybe the professor could just come to my house...hmmm. Anyway here they are.

1. How to get free healthcare, including dental. This class would be only a week long cause I need to see a Dr quick!

2. How to keep up with a three year old. Also includes a bonus course: How to potty train a three year old who has no interest what-so-ever in the "potty"!

3. How to organise "me time' without feeling guilty. Not that I really feel guilty but...!

4. How to attract men who see the real you. A magic class, maybe?

5. How not to look stupid in front of your boss. Very important since I havn't gotten a raise in 3 years.

6. Beauty school drop out--Drop-in course. Open seven days a week for a mini make-up class.

And just so I don't feel lonley in this class I would like to join Deb in...

7. How to skip over bad relationships. We all know why!

So now I get to tag some people who will pick 5 to 10 courses of their own and remember to join me in one of my courses. I'll bring some coffee.

Raquel at Much ado about nothing
Miss Britt
(not) coming